Wednesday, 18 February 2009
Ye’ll aye fin yins 'at sweer bline Elvis isnae deid ava,
An tha feck o fowk wud mebbe yit houl wi a freat ir twa.
But wushin ir haipin fur simthan, disnae mak it true,
Ye cannae lippen oan aa ye’r telt - maist o ye wud alloo.
Yince A haed a notion A cud quarely lilt a sang,
Til A heared masel, as ithers heared, an foon oot A wus wrang.
Fur a sough o truth blowed in ma lugs - By Sowl, it gunked me sair -
An noo, ootwith tha motor car, ye’ll hear me lilt nae mair.
Sure A shud hae knowed fae Rabbie Burns, tae no growe sic a thocht,
Fur aa his puir Jenny’s fency airs, the’ didnae get her ocht.
Thon hizzie she wus fu o pride, til tha loose craa’d owre her bonnet,
Bot w’ir aa tha yin soo’s pïgs, ye ken, an aye we shud hae mine o’it.
Fur there’s bums an blows ’at get oan like tha Kïngs o Dear knows whaur,
Ir let oan tae be oul hauns, an cannae dae ocht ava.
Whiles ye’ll mebbe hear a whud o sim gulpin cum tae po’er
An muckle heich aboon us growed, wi better yins past owre.
Tha warl’s fu o chates an lee’rs, an there’s boys wud dae thar grannie,
Owre tha heid o a wheen o pun – tak tent, freens, aye be cannie.
But whut gangs aroon wull cum aroon, accordin tae tha saw:
The’ll aa be ketched oot in tha en, by thair ain fowks, ir tha laa.
Sunday, 15 February 2009
Starting with the earliest:
Francis Boyle (c1730 - post 1811) – Local places mentioned in his Miscellaneous Poems (1811) include Gransha, Moneyrea, Comber, the Ards, Gilnahirk, the Stay Brae, the Brenniel [sic], [Crossna]Creevy, Moneyrea, Dundonald, Knock, Drumbo, Lisleen, Ballygow'n, Crossgear, Downpatrick, Donaghadee, Dunover, Mount Pleasant, Meharg's thorn (a local landmark in Gilnahirk) Bangor and Ballygaskin (near Crossgar). Many other places further away in County Down, County Antrim, Scotland and England are also named.
John Meharg – of Gilnahirk - mentions Gransha in his Epistle To Francis Boyle published in Francis Boyle's Miscellaneous Poems (1811).
Andrew McKenzie (1780-1839) of Dunover – Poems And Songs On Different Subjects (1810) - Writes about the Ards Peninsula
Robert Huddleston (1814-1887) – Poems and songs published (1844 and 1846) plus an unpublished novel and unpublished poems and songs. He writes about the Moneyrea area, Comber, Saintfield, Ballygowan, Ards Peninsula and Strangford Lough, Ringneill, Reagh Island, Killinchy etc. Other references include Newtownards, Donaghadee, the Lead Mines, Greyabbey and Mount Stewart.
W G Lyttle (1844-1896) – Betsy Gray, Daft Eddie, Sons Of The Sod and Robin’s Readings are all set in the North Down and Ards area and include references to locations on the Ards Peninsula, Strangford Lough, Newtownards, Tullynagardy Glen etc.
Hugh McWilliams – of Ballysallagh. Two books published in 1816 and 1831. Poems And Songs On Various Subjects (1816) includes topographical references include Crawfordsburn, Bangor, Conlig, Cairn Wood, Clandeboye, Ballysallagh and Portavoe.
George Francis Savage-Armstrong (1845-1906) was born in County Down and was Professor of History and Literature in Queen's College, Cork. He produced two volumes on the history of the Savages of the Ards peninsula (his mother’s family) plus copious amounts of poetry and Ballads Of Down (1901) which included MacAnanty Fairy King Of Scrabo Hill.
Edward Sloan of Conlig - In his poetry book The Bard’s Offering (1854) there is a poem entitled The Lovely Glens Of Crawfordsburn (he dedicated the book to Sharman Crawford who lived at Crawfordsburn House) and in A Farewell he writes of walking through "Pirrie's Grove" (Little Clandeboye at Conlig was owned by William Pirrie) and "gazing upon the shores of Scottish lands".
I'm not famililar with the works of these next three, but have left them in the list to remind me to check them out!
William Cleland - Collection (1838)
William Bleakley of Ballinaskeagh - Moral and Religious Poems (1840)
Robert Gilmore - Collection Of Poems And Songs (1843)
Leslie Alexander Montgomery, aka Lynn Doyle (1873-1961) – He wrote of the Downpatrick area and Strangford Lough
Sam Hanna Bell (1909-1990) – December Bride is mainly set in the Ravara area, but much of the filming took place on Island Taggart and on the Ards Peninsula.
John Stevenson - Bab Of The Percivals (1926) is set on the Ards Peninsula and Two Centuries Of Life In Down (1920) while not fiction, includes a lot on North Down, Ards and Strangford.
Margaret Norris - Glenreeba (1939) is actually Greyabbey
J S Andrews (born 1934) - The Bell Of Nendrum (1969) is set in and around Strangford Lough
Van Morrison (born 1945) – The song Coney Island (from his 1989 album Avalon Sunset) mentions Shrigley, Killyleagh, the Lecale, Downpatrick, Ardglass and St John’s Point as well as Coney Island, which is a headline between Ardglass and Killough. The Song A Sense Of Wonder (from the album A Sense Of Wonder 1985) mentions Newtownards, Comber, Gransha and the Ballystockart Road.
Michael McLaverty (1904-1992) - Buried at Kilclief, Strangford – Wrote about Strangford Lough.
Michael Faulkner – wrote about his experiences living with his wife in a cabin on Islandmore on Strangford Lough in The Blue Cabin (2006)
Seamus Heaney (born 1939) – Even “Famous Seamus” refers to “Strang and Carling Fjords” (Strangford and Carlingford) in his poem Funeral Rites.
Joe Tomelty (1910 -1995) was born in Portaferry. Although better known as a film and stage actor and for BBC Radio’s The McCooey’s, Joe Tomelty also wrote novels and plays. Two of his plays, All Soul’s Night and April In Assagh are set in a fictional village on the County Down coast and another, Idolatry at Innishargie, on the Ards Peninsula.
Basil Abbott - Norfolk man Basil, whose mother is from Newtownards, recently produced a short play entitled Scrape The Beetle about the Flush Hall murder (of Willie Quinn) which took place in Newtownards in 1915. A CD of this is also available.
Colin Bateman (born 1962) – The novel Divorcing Jack (1998) is partly set in Bangor Market (although the film version uses Lemon's Wharf in Donaghadee as the location).
Captain James Moore writes of Portavogie and the County Down fishing industry.I'm sure there are also numerous other references in songs. The Flower Of The County Down mentions Scrabo Hill, Lisnadill, Comber etc and The Greba Lasses is from Greyabbey. Then, of course, there are the Orange songs like The Hills Of Carrowdore and The Bright Orange Heroes of Comber.
Not forgetting Hamewarks Fae Ballyboley: The Cless O 2004:
Philip Robinson writes about The Dominie O Ballyboley Schuil;
John Wright writes of Donaghadee, Ballyvester and Millisle;
Jack Thompson mentions Carrowdore;
Sheena McCullough mentions Ballyboley school;
Fiona McDonald writes of Newtownards, the Ards, Bangor and Loughriescouse;
Will McAvoy writes of Mid-Isle on Strangford Lough;
Will Cromie writes of the Ards Peninsula; and
Noel Moore mentions Portavogie and Ballyboley;
A bit of local history for a change. A couple of years ago, I came across a load of old negatives among family papers so I scanned a few and Photoshopped them to get the positive images. This one shows First Newtownards BB Company Flute Band. As there's a train in the background, it was probably taken at Newtownards Railway Station, on the Belfast & County Down Railway (BCDR). I think the writing on the carriage door may say "Third" (Class).
To the best of my knowledge, this BB Band was the forerunner of First Newtownards Old Boys' Flute Band (founded in 1919) which, in turn, was the forerunner of Newtownards Silver Band (founded in 1923). If anyone knows otherwise, please let me know.
EPISTLE TO FRANCIS BOYLE
By John Meharg
Dear Frank, it lang was in my view,
To write a verse or twa to you,
We Poets, poor discernin' few,
Love ane anither,
Wi' heart an' saul, an' far mair true
Than money a brither.
Let warly sons o' men combine,
An' gather gowd to mak them shine,
At this, dear Frank, we'll ne'er repine,
E'en let them gae;
We'll sing our joys in hamely rhyme,
On some burn brae.
How sweetly do the moments pass,
Aye whan our theme's a bonny lass,
Or wi' a frien', out owre a glass
O' gin or rum!
The sordid, grov'lin, miser ass,
May there sing dumb.
But as for riches what care I,
Sic low pursuits the Bards deny,
An' Fortune's frowns they will defy,
While e'er the Muse,
Will with their wishes kind comply,
An' no refuse.
An' yet my rhymes are unco rough,
As owre a country e'er did sugh,
They hardly please mysel' eneugh,
As aft's I read them;
But spun by ane frae loom or pleugh,
Nae man will heed them.
An' sae, my much respected friend,
I'll ne'er presume, nor yet pretend,
Wi' you in verses to contend,
For wit or theme,
Na, na, I ken that it wad end
In my great shame.
Your verses rin as true an' fine,
As if the Muses did combine,
Apollo an' tunefu' Nine,
To raise your name,
An' roun' your brow a wreath entwine,
O' endless fame.
In Grenshaw townland may you sing,
Till a' the hills an' vallies ring,
An' whan the Winter's owre, an' Spring
Begins to dawn,
Your Fancy yet shall spread her wing,
Out owre the lawn.
Aft hae I wish'd an' hope't to see,
Yet mony a year afore I die,
Your verses fill'd sae fu' o' glee,
In grandeur paintit,
Wi' ae request o' mine agree -
An' get them prentit.
An' let the warl' ken your name,
An' sons unborn exalt your fame,
An' narrow-minded men think shame
If ony reads,
Your torch o' satire, like a flame,
To show their deeds!
An' whan ye're mouldrin' i' the clay,
The stranger that shall pass the way,
Will to your dwallin' homage pay
An' spier the where,
Some frien' o' thine will point an' say -
"The Bard lived there."
But as for me, I needna think
E'er to appear in prent or ink,
For folk to read, then laugh an' wink,
An' cock their nose,
An' tauntin', say, "It disna clink
"Like verse or prose."
But what care I? e'en let them say;
Whan in the bonny month o' May,
On some burn side I'll lonely stray,
Whar nane shall hear,
An' chant to her my rustic lay,
I love sae dear.
O Love! O Life! O Friendship dear!
'Tis you I court, 'tis you I fear
All cares are drown'd when you are near,
In seas o' pleasure;
Ye Powers Divine, while I am here,
Be these my treasure!
"But Johnie, stap, ye're yet a boy,
Know, Beauty's but a fleetin' toy,
An' love's a momentary joy,
That soon will pass,
It will your inward peace destroy,
Ye simple Ass.
For all these joys will pass away,
When Age shall come, life's winter day,
An' firmest friendship will decay;
My son, good night."
Erato thus to me did say,
Then took her flight.
My bosom heav'd, I gave a sigh,
As after her I cast my eye,
Until her flight she winged on high,
Out o' my sight,
An' reach'd her distant kindred sky,
'Mang orbs o' light.
Sae now, dear Frank, my Muse is gane,
Which causes me a kin' o' pain;
But aiblins she'll return again,
An' wi' me dwell;
An' daut me like a sukin' wean;
Sae, frien', farewell.
Anybody who thinks poetry is for cissies would do well to remember there are plenty of folk who get worked up about it. Another local rhymer, by the name of Sandy Bond, held different political views to Mullan on the issue of Home Rule during the 1906 local elections. Bond made reference to Mullan in a poem about the election and the next time the two met in Limavady there was a bit of a fight which resulted in a court case, during which Bond’s poem was read out in evidence. Bond was fined 21 shillings, two other defendants were fined five shillings and the rest were discharged.
I thought at first that one of those fined, Samuel Irwin, was a relative of mine, but my one came from a different townland, so there must have been more than one about the town at the time.
The Magic X
I’m nae great scholar, ye man ken,
I micht coont up the length o’ ten,
I’m sure, but no a hunner.
My buiks hae a’ been real leeve men,
But I can tell a mak preten,
An’ make’ nae blunner.
But in my stammerin’s up an’ doon,
Sometimes ‘mang drains, sometimes in toon,
No lang in ony place.
I kept my ees a-glowerin’ roon
An foon three letters esteamed aboon
The alphabetic race.
Writ in succession, L.S.D.
A’hint yer name, ye hae a key
Wad open ony door.
Nae maiter what be yer disgrace,
They’ll aye fin’ ane redeemin’ grace,
Mair likely three or four.
Anither ane runs in the race,
Wi’ some I ken it taks first place,
Whan writ wi’ a big capital
I am the man; I panned the shirt.
Bar I the rest of folks is dirt,
Creation jest a nil.
But there’s a time I’m heartily gled,
Whan X can mak a bit I’ red,
An’ earn its slice o’ favour.
Since they hae gaen an X tae me,
Even the very wee drap o’ tea,
I gets a better flavour.
The candidates wee Rab the meit
They gae him lots o’ cakes an’ sweets,
An’ spiers, “What wye’s yer faither?”
I’ve aft been ca’d a rhaming mule,
An obstinate, dannared, dunnered fool
An’ sometimes worse than either.
The wife got twa new pair o’ stays,
She weirs nane noo, sure onyways;
Aince roon her waist twice roon the church,
Ye’d sweir it wuz a wee earthquake,
The wey the auld four-poster shakes,
When Jean begins tae turn.
Noo a’ the beasts aboot the hoose,
(Of coorse they didna see the singin’ moose)
They maun be gae well bred,
One ca’d the coo an astrahan;
The three legged cat, real Persian,
I doot she wuz misled.
My han’s been twisted, pu’d an’ rung,
Tae I thocht the shoulder bled had sprung;
I canna haud ane fur,
Whitewashed I wuz wi’ every grace;
They ca’d me tae my very face,
Honoured, respected sir.
Noo, I dinna ken if twuz Gledstone,
Oliver Cromill, or Wolf Tone,
An X pair bodies gaen,
But my blessin’ on his auld grey heed;
If he’s alive, sin’ if he’s deid,
I’ll pray that he’s aboon.
But I ken richt weel if the A.B.C.
Wuz stocks and shares, my £, s, d,
I wad invest in X’s,
An’ sell at the election time,
Then emigrate tae sum far clime,
Whar the’r nae rates or texes.
Friday, 13 February 2009
O! WHISKEY MY DARLIN'
O, whiskey my darlin', thou care-killin' carlin,
How aft I have kissed thee for weeks at a time;
And aye whan I'm drinkin', thou easest my thinkin'
And now I'm come back for tae taste thee again.
O! a toss o' my head for a' their laid denties,
Gie me but the nappie tae kittle my joy;
An' tho' poortith shall stare me, it darna come near me,
A fig for sad sorrow, I'll live till I die.
Frae this tae the mornin' jade care I'll gie scornin',
An' lieve on the juice o' the blanter sae dear;
Ye winds that loud chatter, I carna your clatter,
Your frosty snell breath now me canna come near.
Yon silly aul' base ane, on verge o' perdition
Wi' deadly excesses, debauchery, an' crime;
Shall I grudge him his dishes, his trashtrie, an' wishes?
No, never such baseness - no, never be mine.
Gie me the Cork caver, wi' mountain dew flavour,
The poteen tae drink, an' my lassie alang;
Tho' warls care may wreck me, it ne'er can heartbrack me,
Sae lang as the usquebaugh stifles my rang.
O! whiskey, stick tae me, thou frien' o' my grannie,
Tho' weel I may like ye, I tak' it o' kin';
My aul' uncle Tammie, the twin o' my mammie,
Besides my aul' daddie, he drunk himsel' blin'.
Away antie Nelly, an' let us be jolly,
Ye ken yon big-wamed jug that's far aboon a';
An' fetch us a quart in before we gae partin',
And roun' by the ingle we'll joyful hurra.
But this that I am gaun to tell,
Which lately on a night befell,
Is just as true's the Deil's in hell
Or Dublin city:
That e'er he nearer comes oursel'
'S a muckle pity.
Thursday, 12 February 2009
The Weaver’s Triumph
By Edward Sloan
It was but yestreen I had oot my bit claith, man,
Tuk it under my arm, doun tae Balford I went,
Untae the Braid Square, tae wee cockit Rab’s warehoose –
For a trifle o’ cash, man, it was my intent.
My noddle bein’ reeming wi’ stoups o’ guid liquor,
I marched in fu’ stately and throwed the dud down,
Whan a cock-o’-the-north o’ a foreman, ca’d Hudson,
Whispered tae his employer – ‘We’ll gi’e him a croon.’
My wee bit o’ labour bein’ thrown on the counter,
Wi’ butterfly’s een tae examine’t he goes;
He hemmed and he ha’d, and he swore it was shameless,
Syne oot wi’ his snoot-cloth and dighted his nose.
He swore that the warp would been better by double –
For their penny collars ‘twas nae use ava;
Though the price o’ my labour was just half-a-guinea,
He would gi’e me a shilling and let me awa.
I glowered at the ape wi’ twa een like red cinders,
While wee cockit Rab at his knavery did wink;
Quo’ I, ‘Honest foreman, ye ha’e turned a barber,
Tae shave simple weavers sae neatly, I think;
But haud ye, a jiffey, my potstick-legged callan –
For my nine-and-sixpence I’ll gi’e ye some fun:
I’ll ca’ doun your betters tae think on your capers,
And see if you’ll rob me, you half-stocked gun.’
Noo, twa honest neebours together convened.
And examined it weel, frae beginning tae end;
And the verdict they gi’en was, ‘Return him his money,
Or before Parson Wilkins* you’ll ha’e tae attend.’
My money I pouched wi’ a rollickin’ smirk –
O oh! What was the look that his foremanship gi’en!
Quo’ I, ‘Honest foreman, act somewhat mair justly:
You see arbitration’s but seldom your frien’.’
Noo, some o’ my neebours mayna ken this same foreman,
But I’ll draw you his portrait, as well as I can,
Though it’s nae easy job for a puir, simple weaver,
As I would wrang him greatly, tae ca’ him a man:
His face – it’s the texture an’ shape o’ a monkey’s;
Each cheek would hold neatly a shilling o’ pence;
A’ the wit that he has in his weel-theekit noddle’s
What oor neebour Tam ca’s a “guid griping sense.”
He’s like – but why need I attempt to describe him –
The pen o’ a Buffon would soon be tae blame;
Some day, when auld Nature has been busy working,
She has tossed by the gruns – made him oot o’ the same.
Fareweel tae ye, Robin; adieu tae your foreman –
A sweet pair o’ rascals you are, I declare;
It’s a pity tae waste pen and ink on sic creatures –
Guid-bye tae ye neebours, I’ll noo say nae mair
* A magistrate
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
TIT for TAT; or the Rater rated
A new song, in Way of Dialogue, between a Laggan farmer and his Wife
Ye’re welcome hame, my Marg’y,
Frae the grim craving clergy;
How deeply did they charge ye,
Wi’ fair oppresive tythe?
While some are chous’d, and cheated;
Some rattled are, and rated;
Ye hae been better treated,
I trow, ye luick sae blythe.
I hae been wi’ the rector;
His wife did scould and hector;
Instead o’ a guid lecture –
Quo’ she, ‘Ye go too fine,
‘With scarlet cloaks and bedgowns,
‘With velvet puggs and plaid-gowns,
‘With ruffled sleeves and headrounds,
‘More rich and gay than mine.’
‘Forbear, proud madam Persian,
‘Take back ye’r ain aspersian,
‘Wi’ tea, ye’r chief diversion,
‘Ye waste ye’r time awa;
‘While dressing ye’r and pinning,
‘I’ll spin, and bleach my linnen,
‘And wear my ain hands winning,
‘Ye rector’s lazy daw.
‘I rise e’er the cocks craw day;
‘My hands I spare not a’ day,
‘And wi’ my farmer laddie
‘At night I take my ease;
‘My husband plows and harrows,
‘He sows and reaps the farrows,
‘Shame fa’ them wad change marrows,
‘For rector’s gown and chaise.
‘Sure some kind deed has brought us
‘Yon yellow chiel, that taught us
‘To cleek the tythe potatoes
‘Frae ilk a greedy gown!
‘Nae bishop, dean, or rector,
‘Nae vicar, curate, proctor,
‘Dare ettle now to doctor
‘Our skeedyines under ground.
Dear Madgie, e’en fairfaw ye!
I’m blest that e’er I saw ye!
A braid-claith coat I aw ye,
Fac’d wi a velvet cape:
May milk and meal ne’er fail ye,
May loss of yews ne’er ail ye,
But geer grow on ye daily,
For birking madam Crape.
Going through some family papers recently, I discovered that McKenzie belonged to the same Masonic lodge as members of my own family. The lodge was originally called Greenhill 985 and it sat in Drumawhey until 1816. Brother Andrew McKenzie was initiated into 985 at Drumawhey on 2nd February 1810 (I wonder if that was before or after the book was published!). A new warrant, Union Star 198, was issued in 1821. This had previously been used in Dublin from 1749-1821 (during which time one of it's members had been Daniel O'Connell). Union Star has been in its present hall at Corry Street, Newtownards, since 1841 and readers of The Newtownards Chronicle may recall that the premises recently suffered extensive damage as the result of an arson attack.
A Poor Man's Petition
Noo hear the pair man’s peetious wane
His woes remind me o’ ma ain
What prangs tae me it wud hae coast,
Had a’ beheld the motly host,
Whaur penury, disease and pain,
Wur al assembled tae complain;
Wretches like, in tattered rags;
Sprains, rheumatisms, brauken legs;
Ears that canny hear a soon,
An een in utter darkness boon;
Scurvy, scrofula, epilepsy,
Consumption pale, an bursting drapsy;
Wae a’the life embitterin clan
That persecute the life o’ man.
Whaur sich calamities appear,
Whau cud refuse tae drap a tear?
E’en Satan, mans inveterate foe,
Micht melt at sich a scene o’ woe.
So choosin tae avoid the sicht,
A’ borra’d pen an ink tae write,
A faithful list o’ ah that’s mine –
That in below a’ wull subjoin;-
First then, a' never learnt a trade,
Bit daily wield a flail or spade,
Endeav'rin tae preserve in life,
Six naked children and a wife,
Ma mansion is a clay-bigged cot,
Ma hale domain a gairden plot
Fur this, each ennual first o' May,
Full thirty shillins a' hiddae pae:
Ye who in stately hames reside,
Th' abodes o' luxury an pride,
May deem it faalse whun a' assert,
Ma hoose wud harly load a cairt,
Sae little stray defends the roof,
Agin the rain it is nae proof,
But a' its failins tae declare,
Wud waste mair time than a' can spare,
So, wae yir leave, a' wull begin,
Tae tell what it contains wae'in:
A spade, bae weairin much abus'd,
A spinnin-wheel, but little used,
Three stools, yin bigger than the rest,
oor table whun we hae a guest,
A basket variously employ'd,
Tho' nearly bae oul age destroy'd,
It houls the prittas raw, or boil'd,
An serves tae rock oor youngist child;
A leaky tub, a pot unsoon,
Wae iron hoop encircled roon.
A jug, in what wae daily bring,
oor humble bev'rage fae the spring,
In oarder, on a shelf o stane,
(For chest, or cupboard a' hae nane)
A dish, an three al plates ere plac'd;
Three noggins, much bae time defac'd;
A mug, fae whaur the ear is pairted;
An al knife, bae its heft deserted;
Twa tae-cups, yin o' them is crack'd;
Three sassers, each wae some defect;
A tae-pot, bit the lid is loast ;
A beechen boul, bit so emboss'd
Wae clasps, it isnae unnerstud,
Whauther it's made o' ir'n or wud.
An in a corner bae the wa'
We hae a bed that cannae fa,
But dinnae let this create surprise,
Securely on the grun it lies:
Tae furnish it nae flocks o' geese,
Wur plunnered o' their downy fleece,
Plain strey it is . . an on oor bed,
The ruins o' a quilt ere spread.
Noo nithin else tae me belangs,
Except a braukin pair of tangs ;
an fur a shift, tae a' get them ment,
We use a brench o' wulla bent.
Yin minnit yit, a' beg yil spare,
An jist luk ivver ma bill o'fare,
Which wae my furniture accoards,
An little variety affords,
The cruel butcher's murd'rous knife,
Fur me deprives nae beast o' life;
Nae angler wae ensnarin wiles,
Fur me the finny race beguiles;
Nea sailor braves the dangerous sea,
Tae bring hame luxuries tae me -
Bit words a' wullnae multiply,
Prittas al oor meals supply;
A drap o' milk tae them we add-
An salt, whun that cannot be had.
That man tae honour shair is loast,
Whau o' his wretchedness can boast;
Yit gain sae rules the human breest
That men o' competence possest'
Cud ivry qualm o' conscience blush!
An sweer wae'oot a single blush,
Bit be ashaired nane sich em I,
Tho' very pare, a' scorn a lie;
An al thats represented here,
Indeed a' can tae truly sweer'.
They talk o’ the spaewife o’ misty Glenramer,
O’ Madge o’ the hill-tap, an’ Kate o’ the Linn;
But trew me for devilrie cantraips and glamour
They may a’ cast their caps at auld Leezie M’Minn.
Sune as her loof ye hae cross’d wi’ the siller
She birls roun’ a cup,an’ she bids ye leuk in.
Och the foul thief himsel’ sure the words whispers till her,
That fa’ frae the lips o’ auld Leezie M’Minn.
Wauters o’ men come ilk day Leezie seekin’,
Frae hill an’ frae valley, frae hut an’ frae ha’;
Some in gay cleedin’, some barely a streek on,
Wee gilpies, young widows, auld maidens, an a’.
They come in the spring time, they come in the simmer,
They come when the snaw-drifts hae lang setten in,
They come o’ Fate’s black book to get a bit glimmer,
For wha can unravel’t like Leezie M’Minn?
She hecht to wee Mary the han’ o’ the Gauger,
Tho’ lang syne his troth he had plighted to Nell;
To Jeannie she spoke o’ a cuddy creel cadger,
An’ as she predicted, just sae it befel.
The cross-bones, the coffin,a ring that was broken,
Betocken’t that Nannie wad never get ane.
Nan swore it was lies the fause spaewife had spoken;
But as yet, true’s the word o’ auld Leezie M’Minn.
Should prowlers by nicht or by day rype your biggin’,
Despoilin’ your coffers o’ gowd and o’ gear,
On the tip-toe o’ hope to auld Leezie gae jeegin’,
Regardless how scoffers an’ scorners may jeer.
She’ll tell ye what’s stolen, she’ll tell ye wha did it,
An’ gin ye hae courage her glass tae keek in,
The face o’ the thief to your e’e she’ll exhibit,
Sae great is the power o’ auld Leezie M’Minn.
Gin Hawkie fa’ back o’ her milk an’ her butter,
Or haply lies rowtin’ elf-shot I’ the strwa,
Let Leezie but sain ‘er, some mystic words mutter,
An’ sune deil haet ails the puir beastie ava!
She’s far kent an’ noted for a’ I hae quoted,
An’ sair she’ll be miss’d when death tucks up her chin.
Tho’ frail noo, an’ feckless, an’ mair than half doted,
Yet show me the peer o’ auld Leezie M’Minn.
Sarah, who was the daughter of a linen weaver, had a short but interesting life. She was a fervent supporter of the Protestant Anti-Repeal cause (which opposed The Catholic Association’s campaign for the repeal of The Act of Union) addressed the Brunswick Club on this issue, and dedicated her one volume of 25 poems, published in 1828, to the President and officers of the club.
Address To A Cricket
At gloamin' when the twilight fa',
And songsters to their nests withdrawn,
A cricket, snugh behind the wa',
Supplies their place,
And in corner sings fu' braw,
Wi' unco grace.
When younkers scamper, ane by aye,
And dowie I am left alane,
You cheer my heart wi'hamely strain,
Or shrill toned chirple,
As cozie roun' the warm hearth-stane,
You nightly hirple.
May wae befa' them, that would gie
A fiddler penny or bawbee,
When they can have sic music free,
Much fitter they should keep the fee,
To help their rent.
What tho' your note be aye the same,
In grateful strain I sing your name,
Weel might my muse blush deep wi' shame,
Should she neglect,
To greet you in her humble hame,
Wi' due respect.
And when the nipping frosty win',
Blaws frae the North with whistling din,
Or wintry floods roar o'er the linn,
In foam and spray,
I shall wi' crumbs, when night sets in,
Requite your lay.
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
The Hawk And The Weazle
To town ae morn, as Lizie hie’d
To seel a pickle yarn,
A wanton Whiteret she espy’d,
A sportin at a cairn.
Alang the heath beskirted green,
It play’d wi’ monie a wheel:
She stood and dighted baith her een,
An’ thought it was the Diel
She saw at freaks!
But soon her doubts were a’ dismis’t
A gled cam whist’ling by,
And seiz’d the weazle:- ere it wist,
‘Twas halfway at the sky.
But soon the goss grew feeble like,
And syne began to fa’,
Till down he daded on a dyke,
His thrapple ate in twa;
Let him snuff that.
The weazle aff in triumph walks,
An’ left the bloodless glutton,
A warning sad to future hawks
That grien for weazle’s mutton.
So reprobates, that spitefu’ cross,
Decree their nibour’s ruin,
Are aften forc’d, like foolish goss,
To drink o’ their ain brewin’,
Wha says its wrang.
O THOU! On mischief ever bent,
As far contemn’d, as weel ye’re kent;
Few fellows will the loss lament,
When Grumphie gets ye;
It seems ye hae been born in lent,
For a’ flesh hates ye.
And O! that ye had never yet
Been born, to keep my heart sae het,
Or had I been endow’d wi’ wit
To keep far frae ye;
For sure on earth, there’s nane less fit
To wingle wi’ ye.
O happy ye! Wha daily drudge
Thro’ dirt an’ dung, without a grudge,
Nor hope, nor fear, can e’er dislodge
Your sluggish pace;
As deaf to honour, on ye trudge,
As to disgrace.
Ye miserable, happy wretches,
Nae canker on your conscience catches –
Nae sic repose the thinker thatches
Frae fear or fright;
But he or weeps, perhaps, or watches
The live-lang night.
Ye’re hale an’ healthie now, an’ therefore
Nae matter what comes next, or wherefore,
What crams your kits, is a’ ye care for
To taste or touch;
An’ what we can be wantin’ mair for,
Ye marvel much.
Wel, happy be, ye peacefu’ pack ye,
Happy as blockishness can mak’ ye,
An’ may vexation ne’er owertak’ ye,
To gar ye grane,
Nor blasted hopes, like mine, distract ye,
O, Salts! thy glorious powers tae sing,
What Muse O, wadna spread her wing,
An' tightly lace her sweetest string
Tae gie thee lays;
A just reward to thee to bring,
To chant thy praise.
Ye Doctors 'mid yeir trampin' rife,
'Mang lad an' lass, an' man an' wife,
The king o' Doctors in a trice,
Is guid clean Salts.
Gie them the preference -- meed o' life,
An' health results.
Alas! whan we're wi' sickness groanin',
O, quat your pills an' po'ders schemin':
(But then it's Doctors' interest gloomin,
Wi' pain tae tease;
An' keep poor humans swallowin' human,
Wi' mair disease.)
Be honest, men, nor play the rogue,
Nae mair e'en bruise the snake or toad;
(An' for their hearts bluid to corrode,)
Or poisonous smalts:
Stan' teughly tae the healin' trade,
An' order Salts.
yeir this drug rid, the tither blue,
An' white an' green, an' yellow too;
An' then yeir drawers a motled vow!
Wi' cunnin' names;
But cannie notes the sleekit crew,
Wi' a' yeir schemes.
But this the plan ye tak' tae sell,
Tae feast the e'e an' please the smell;
A dose yei'd gie's tae mak us weel,
Just, just, for thruppence!
But haud ye there, Salts bans yeir skill,
We're weel for ha'pense.
Salts thou for me, and I for you,
Henceforth I hae a frien' that's true;
Ye'll dine but spare, an' never fu',
Ye paukie scroy,
Dae ye intend that chaps like me,
Yeir brew sud buy!
Ah! what disease wad Salts no cure?
They'd near pit by th' allotted hour;
Tho' feeble nerves, an' blood sae frore,
Wi' filth a rustin' --
Tho' dim we shine; sae clean they scour,
We 'gain do glisten.
Us poets, poor discernin' buddies,
Are aft annoy'd amid our studies;
By ane sae vile, the plague o' caddies,
Ca'd Indigestion: --
Salts are the boys that cleans the haggish,
An' tooms the brustin'.
Whan head or gut ache sair ye bothers,
Or pains in rumps, or stuffiin' mothers;
Pit Salts just on the trail my brithers --
Wi' stink an' win'; --
Just hissin' like a bag o' ethers,
Disease is gone.
Whan big my Lord he eats ower much,
Or's got a stappin' in his britch;
Ower roast beef, mutton, wine, or such,
O, thou art physic:
Sweet Salts, thou soon relieves the catch
An' reds the hash o't.
A wee bit ower, an' time tae trickle,
Oh! hear his tripes as rum'lin' keckle;
Away it goes wi' row't an' rattle,
An' rainbow thun'er;
An' tooms the brute - losh! losh! how muckle,
O' perfect scunner.
Whan toddlin' weanies tak' the dwam,
The cheapest Doctor's aye at han';
Just kilt their coaties up them roun,
Nor fear the ail:
But pour the potient liquid doon,
An' soon they're hale.
The love-sick maiden far apart,
'Mang wilds tae moan the waefu' smart;
Tae rouse the canker frae her heart,
Salts what's like thee?
Again she's lively as a lark,
An' brisk's a bee.
Wae worth the silly worthless dug,
Wha wadna raise his voice to laud --
A prey to sorrow, worm, or grub,
Salts thou'rt the devil
That tans the reptiles, fegs the lad
Free's us o' evil.
Wee baby-ba, the womb whan 'scapes,
What, what, preserves it frae th' pox?
Let mother matron 'mid her jokes
Now lagh an' say --
How aft she scour'd it 'mang the crocks,
Tae keep it free.
Out a' night wi' his w--s an' jades,
An' rantin wi' his jolly vagues;
Poor drunken Will a' torn in rags,
An' new gat hame;
O, Salts! how mony earthly plagues
Thou keep'st frae him.
Even the influence to procure,
That Salts are gi'en -- that same they'll cure;
The ---- in a needfu' hour,
Tae speak it plain;
As sure as C----y kept a boar,
That had it on.
For mental, weel as bod'ly ill,
Salts, Salts! the dose 'fore drap or pill --
Per this drug, that drug, Mr. Phill,
Yon glype sae buxsom;
The noblest med'cine in your hall,
Gie him the Epsom.
As suitin' best the silly scarum,
Wham lust an' laziness is at war in:
An' too, yon lass wham pride's devo'rin',
'Thout sense sae fumbled;
Her wi' the souple ---- e'en charm,
An' faith she's humbled.
The rigid bigot in his cause,
Despisin' every others laws;
I carna tho' o' priestcraft's braws,
I swear 'twere better
'Fore let him preach his cursed flaws,
He had the -----
Of Salt's power at reason spier,
I've mark an' but a sample here,
An' what need we for waste our lear,
Or bebble more o't!
We cudna sing their charms 'n a year,
An' set us for it.
Drink Salts, drink Salts, my freens, yeir fill,
An' crystal water frae the rill;
Ye'll lang respect yeir hale an' weel,
Nor tine yeir bliss;
An' fin' my doctorship an' skill
No far amiss.
Ilk man an' maid wha health reveres,
Nor care a fig wha at you sneers,
Come join the corps like flinty fiers,
An' stoutly back us.
Hurrae for Salts! let's gie three cheers,
An' guid black pretaes.
I'm much indebted tae ye madam,
An' for the physic ye sent Rabin,
May never sorrow bite yeir droddum;
But happ'ly blest,
Tae you may still turn fortune's totum,
A lucky cast.
Waes me! poor sorros lonely chiel!
Nae dou't but it will gar ye smile,
Whan i tell ye withoutan' guile,
Just plain r'ugh Rab;
Salts, salts for ance in first rate style
They doon their jab.
Ye'd thocht ae time my guts war churnin',
Anither time I was a' barmin';
A third, a rotin ill I's turnin',
Sae rude in manner:
While growl'd the win' like Mons Meg stormin,
Or distant thunder.
But ower my thrap a wee bit doon,
A wee drap drink my drouth tae droon;
Och, whishu! Care struck up her tune,
Ye may gie't credence;
Savin' yeir present, at the grun'
I got a redence.
Now hale and weel, and blythe and flinty,
Ance mair death bother't, thank ye, thank ye,
An' for yeir kin'ness dame sae denty
'Gain ye'd allow't,
Guid faith I hae a min' tae prent ye
In my new book.
Monday, 9 February 2009
Alas! Alas! what shall I do,
My auld black pot is broke in two,
In which I did sae often brew
The wee drap tea,
And thought it would hae cheered me through
Life’s weary way.
A better pot,sure, ne’er was made.
It wadna vent the sma’est blade;
Still when the tablecloth was laid
And it appeared
A smile out o’er my visage played
And a’ things cheered.
Before I brought it frae the town
It cost me nearly half-a-crown,
Nor did I grude’t, it was sae roun’,
And very snug –
At every party it was down,
Lang after it cam’ to our house
I kept it for our Sunday use;
But when my daughters a’ got spruce,
And wanted men
Ah! then it got the sore abuse
Baith but and ben.
Whene’er their wooers cam’ to see them,
A wee drap tae they be to gie them,
For fear, as I thought, they would lea’ them,
Alone to rove,
They never failed wi’ sweets to free them
Frae ither’s love.
’Twas then my teapot had to thole
The power of mony a blazening coal,
Which gnawed me to the very soul
To hear it crackin’,
While they prepared the buttered roll
For lads to smack on.
They burned it till it was as thin
As my auld wrinkled, bluidless skin,
I still must say it was a sin
To use it sae
For lads that didnae care a pin
About their tae.
But noo my daughters a’ are wed,
And health and peace frae me are fled,
I find it hard to earn my bread
And creamless tea,
And wish I wi’ the pot was laid
Low in the clay.
For ah! I’m sure I’ll never see
Such joys as charmed my youthfu’ e’e –
The days are past when folks like me
Could earn their bread,
My auld wheel now sits silently
Aboon the bed.
And well may Erin weep and wail
The day the wheels began to fail;
Our tradesmen now can scarce get kail
Betimes to eat,
In shipfuls they are doomed to sail
In quest o’ meat!
For that machine that spins the yarn
We’re left unfit our bread to earn;
O Erin! will you ne’er turn stern
Against your foe,
When every auld wife can discern
Here's a poem written by Francis Boyle (c1730- post 1811) of Gransha County Down from his 1811 volume Miscellaneous Poems. His was the Gransha near Dundonald rather than the one near Bangor. Although it is often said that Ulster-Scots writers merely imitated the works of Robert Burns, many of Boyle's poems were written before Burns work was published, although this one does appear to have been influenced by Burns.
Interestingly, Robert Burns wrote 'Death and Dr Hornbook' in 1785 as a satire about John Wilson, the son of Glasgow weaver who initially came to teach at Tarbolton and later kept a shop where he also sold drugs and gave out medical advice. A 'hornbook' was a sheet of paper with basic learning tools such as the alphabet, numerals and the Lord's Prayer and this would have been mounted on wood and covered by a protective plate of transparent horn. Burns wrote his poem after hearing Wilson going on about his medical knowledge at the Tarbolton Masonic Lodge. Here's Boyle's poem:
It happen't ance in Donaghadee,
No' monie perches frae the kee,
A gentleman I chanc't to see,
'Mang ither foks,
Wha deign't to talk a while wi' me,
An' sklent his jokes.
He saw that I was auld an' gray,
An' had but little for to say,
My garb was neither mean nor gay,
Just kintra weed,
An' as it was a frosty day,
Had tie't my head.
He took me for some kintra clown,
Wha liv't far distant frae the town;
He'll rue his folly I'll be boun',
To slight my leuk;
I'll spread his fame the kintra roun',
In my new beuk.
I hear he has attain't some skill,
To wait on women when they're ill,
An can prescribe sic dose or pill,
As mak's them worse;
An' braid receipts for them he'll fill,
To swall his purse.
But yet mair famous for his cures
O' batter't bawds, an' pockie whores,
While here an' there he taks his tours,
He sudna scorn my mental pow'rs,
Nor slight the Muses.
These sportin' Does, like Mrs. Clarke,
That win their wages i' the dark,
An' warm their logies wi' their wark,
Which staps their water
They maun gie Hornbook monie a mark
To mak' them better.
Young Tarry-breeks is come ashore,
Thro' storms an' tempests that did roar -
Revisits now his paramour,
The sportin' maid,
An' swears she's sprightly, aft an' fore,
An' fit for trade.
Some folk will say he's but a quack,
But that maun be a great mistak';
He cur't young Jamie, Wull an' Jack,
An' teuk their fees,
An' mim-mouth't Meg, the ridden hack,
O' her disease.
Nae Hornbook bred in shire o' Ayr,
Wi' our new doctor can compare;
My lads, jog on, an' never spare
To warm their tail;
Twa or three days in Hornbook's care,
Will mak' thee hale.
As Jock does live at the sea-side,
He sud bathe aften in the tide;
To brace his nerves, an' clean his hide,
In the saut water;
Perhaps this might allay his pride,
An' stap his clatter.
Whut’s In it
Twa pun o Caster Shugger
Thie oonces o Watter
Twa oonces o Butter
Twa tablepoons o Lyle’s Golden Syrup
Yin wee tin o Condensed Milk
Hauf a tayspoon o Vanilla
Hoo Tae Mak It
1. Pit tha hale lot intae a pot an warm it up tae tha shugger haes aa melted.
2. Keep stirrin aa tha time tae it biles an let it bile awa fur a guid hauf oor.
3. Tak it aff, gie it a guid batin an teem it oot intae a weel-creeshed tin.
4. Gie it a while tae cool doon an merk it oot fur cuttin, but dinnae cut it tae it’s coul.
Sunday, 8 February 2009
Saturday, 7 February 2009
Stud thonner, oan tha leevin roak
O Cowie’s Craig,- grun alow banefire bleck -
Pit me in mine o Ninetie-Echt,
Tha nicht lift rid fur simmer sodjers trysts.
Drumhirk an Gransha fairmers’ sins,
Cottown chiels, Green Boys o Greba, Hairts o Doon
Turn’t oot tae richt sim wrangs, an
Hunners deed, at Sanfiel an Ba’nahinch.
An, doon tha Lough, thon’s Chapel Isle,
Raxin owre, tha oul yins roàd, tae Nendrum.
Nearhaun bes Cummer, ticht wee toon,
Aye weel-kent fur her whuskey - an early
Prittas. Aa’s quate noo, nae millies
Doon at Andras’, whaur weel-aff fowk noo bide,
Luk - thon’s Tha Dee, whaur oor yins cum
Fae Gallowa, fower hunnert yeir syne noo.
Fowkgates, thrift, kirk an tung the’ brocht,
An turn’t tha wastit lan tae mak it guid.
Here, Innismurray brocht tha guns
Bak in Fowerteen, tae fecht agin Hame Rule.
An thonner’s Bellycopeland mill,
Thrang nae mair, waas lichtit wi simmer sin.
Whitespots, bes whut we caa this lann
Whaur yince fowk hoked fur lead (the’ caa’d it “whites”)
Doon coul wat mirky pots, tae fill
Their childer’s wames whun prittas haed tha blicht.
Abune tha plantin, Helen’s Toor,
Whaur Carson’s men camp’t fornent Bleckwood’s place,
Bellyleidy, o Clan Hugh Boy,
Afore tha Somme left Ulster fowk hairt-scaudit.
Noo scrammlers swairm owre whunnie knowes,
Fowk oot a danner deaved wi thar bizzin
Yeir roon, forbye laired in slonks an gutters,
Breeks clabbert wi glar tha wuntèr days.
Aa’s quate noo, an twathie deer’s pit up wi
Snokin dugs, ir sim siclike, an
Far awa, tha soon o lambegs
Dunnerin owre Conlig hill at dayligan.
An, unner Scraba, Newtown bes,
Braw bowle whaur Ah wus bakit – thar’s nane her make.
Her Meer’s chain o gowden floors
Wrocht, that skeelie Granda Dickson growed. Here
Boul Colonel Paddy caa’d his hame,
An Lyttle spun his cantie wabs o
Ards an Tullynagardy Glen, whaur
Daft Eddie foon McFadden, by tha Forkins.
By Movilla’s green hill thonner
Bes tha last lang road A’ll tak,
Life’s travel’s irnae daen, but, noo,
Ma ticket no yet clip’t, A mak fur hame.
Sauf yince mair, A staun lukkin oot
Ma gavel windae, owre oul reuch fiels o
Yella-floor’t whuns, drochtit gress, an
Friday, 6 February 2009
Here's anither yin o tha photos A tuk o tha view fae ma wee hoose, lukkin iver tha Tullynagardy Glen, tha Crawfordsburn Road an Cairn Wood.
Tha Tullynagardy Glen (tha OS caa's it "The Golden Glen") is whaur Daft Eddie's Cave wus in W G Lyttle's buik, Daft Eddie or The Smugglers Of Strangford Lough. Mr McFadden wus tuk tae tha cave efter he wus kidnapped by Tha Merry Hearts o Down. A mine yin day gan doon tha glen lukkin fur tha cave an faain on ma arse in tha burn! Whut A didnae hear tae efter is it's meant tae be unner tha watter o tha Heich Dam. A wunner did onie o tha boys in tha Wilefowlers see ocht o it twathie yeir syne whun the' haed aa tha watter let oot fur tae big thon hydro-electric thang doon thonner?
Aamaist in tha wurds o Monty Python, noo fur simthang else aathegither. A'm no lang beck fae tha hoose o a freen . A wus haein bither gettin a thang daen, an this lass is in tha richt line o wark sae, tha mair A haednae clappt een oan her this ages, A gied her a caa tae esk if she wud dae this thang fur me, an wioot a thocht says she tae me, "Nae bither, cum on iver". Noo it wusnae ocht immoral, ir agin tha laa, but it wus a wee hair oot o tha ordinar, sae A wus quare an gled. Tae freens - whaur wud we aa be wioot them!
Thursday, 5 February 2009
The original text (Jeannie's varies slightly) is as follows:
by Alexander Anderson
The bairnies cuddle doon at nicht
Wi muckle faught and din.
"Oh try an' sleep, ye waukrife rogues,
Your faither's comin' in."
They niver heed a word I speak,
I try tae gie a froon,
But aye I hap' them up an' cry
"Oh, bairnies, cuddle doon!"
Wee Jamie wi' the curly heid,
He aye sleeps next the wa'
Bangs up and cries, "I want a piece!"
The rascal starts them a'.
I rin and fetch them pieces, drinks,
They stop a wee the soun',
Then draw the blankets up an' cry,
"Noo, weanies, cuddle doon."
But ere five minutes gang, wee Rab
Cries oot frae neath the claes,
"Mither, mak' Tam gie ower at aince,
He's kittlin' wi' his taes."
The mischief in that Tam for tricks,
He'd bother half the toon,
But aye I hap them up an' cry,
"Oh, bairnies, cuddle doon!"
At length they hear their faither's fit
An' as he steeks the door,
They turn their faces tae the wa'
An Tam pretends tae snore.
"Hae a' the weans been gude?" he asks,
As he pits aff his shoon.
"The bairnies, John, are in their beds
An' lang since cuddled doon!"
An' just afore we bed oorsel's
We look at oor wee lambs,
Tam has his airm roun' wee Rab's neck
An Rab his airm roun' Tam's.
I lift wee Jamie up the bed
An' as I straik each croon,
I whisper till my heart fills up:
"Oh, bairnies, cuddle doon!"
The bairnies cuddle doon at nicht
Wi' mirth that's dear tae me.
But soon the big warl's cark an' care
Will quaten doon their glee.
Yet come what will to ilka ane,
May He who rules aboon,
Aye whisper, though their pows be bald:
"Oh, bairnies, cuddle doon!"
The poem was written by Alexander Anderson (1845-1909) who came from a working-class family in Kirkconnel, Scotland, and worked on the railways before becoming Chief Librarian at the University of Edinburgh. There's much more about Anderson on the following link:
Anyway, the other day I was re-reading the works of the Ulster-Scots folk poet James Orr (1770-1816) the Bard of Ballycarry and I happened to notice that a few works are listed as songs with the author's suggested airs listed. That got me thinking ... I already knew that Orr's poem Ballycarry Fair was set to the same tune as Burns' Green Grow The Rashes O as performed by Willie Drennan's Ulster-Scots Folk Orchestra http://www.naegoatstoe.com/ but I wanted to see what the others would sound like.
The tune listed for The Spae Wife (see below for text) was Come Under My Plaidie, which I'd heard of, but never heard out loud. However, a quick dig through my music books and I found the words to Come Under My Plaidie (by Hector MacNeill 1746-1818) and the music. It turns out I actually knew the tune already, only I knew it as the well-know Robert Burns song Tibbie Dunbar (link to the sheetmusic) http://www.8notes.com/digital_tradition/TBIEDNBR.asp and the original tune name is apparently Johnny McGill. O what a tangled web. Anyway, here it is:
Ye frien’s o’ deep knowledge, if wise ye wad be,
Creep into my cave an’ a’ secrets ye’ll see;
If maiden, or mother, uncertainty bother,
Frae doubt an’ frae darkness, their min’s I can free:
Ilk lass, no told lees on, wha deems, an’ wi’ reason,
The youth she oblig’t frae her fond arms will flee,
An’ wife, in a fear ay, that jilts meet her dearie,
May learn the hale truth by applyin’ to me.
Gif Chanticlear’s ta’en frae tha roost whare he craw’t;
Or horse, kye or sheep, frae the pasture-fiel’ ca’t.
My head I’ll bestow ye, if I dinna shew ye
The leuks in a glass, o’ the loun that’s in faut:
Or else if ye cleek up, an’ toss my delft tea cup,
If danger, or death’s near, the gruns plain will shaw’t:
By cuttin’ o’ cartes folk, an’ no’ by black arts, folk,
O past, present, future, I’ll read ye a claut.
A spunkie reply’t, wha oureheard the dark dame –
“Guid wife! They wha trust ye defeat their ain aim;
“The henpecket taupie, wha’d wiss to be happy,
“Sud ax nane wha kens – what the wife does at hame:
“Ilk sport-lovin’ weary, might dread to come near ye,
“Wha ken’st the dark neuk where she try’t the blythe game-
“The grand plan of Nature’s conceal’d frae a’ creatures;
"Nor cud their skill chang’t gif they kent the hale scheme.
“Ye promise promotion, an’ sin’ frae the mead
“The shepherd to sea, whare some shark soon he’ll feed;
“The young thing, sae bonie, weds some canker’t clownie,
“Because ye’ve presage’d that nae ither’s decreed –
“While dupes trust the sybil far mair than the bible,
“An’ change the last sixpence that ye may be fee’d,
“I’ll scorn the to-morrow, an’ banishin’ sorrow,
“Learn mair light frae whiskey than e’er fill’t your head.